How to Notice & Heal From Signs of Abuse



I have been in several abusive relationships.

Sometimes, we aren’t aware we are in something abusive.

One way to know for sure, is to listen to your body:  It never lies

My body couldn’t take one more minute of abuse…

For me, my body tells me when something’s not working.  I start getting symptoms like anxiety & fatigue.

I talk about how I healed from abuse and chronic illness (CFS) in my book, The Memory of Health

You can check it out here:  The Memory of Health 

You can learn more about my journey to well-being and self-esteem here: My Journey to Well-Being & Self-Esteem

I am still not clear why I attract abusive behavior.  I have noticed that all of the people who were abusive were addicted.*

Abusive behavior includes:

  • Power & Control
  • Criticism
  • Gaslighting
  • Neglectful Behavior
  • Dismissiveness

Unfortunately, sometimes the person will first lift you up high (i.e. put you on a pedestal), only to then knock you down.

One of the biggest red flags to look out for is controlling behavior: actions, comments, and gaslighting.

Check out this blog on What is Gaslighting

Control isn’t love, it’s abuse.  Love is respect.

Abusive relationships are all about power and control.   Check out this wheel:  Power & Control Wheel


With my first boyfriend, he started yelling at me a few months into our relationship.

He was manic-depressive, an alcoholic, and addicted to marijuana.

In my marriage, my husband was also an alcoholic, and began trying to control me physically by:

  • Pinning me to the bed
  • Criticizing me
  • Gaslighting me (telling me it was my fault)
  • Hitting me

I seemed to have a pattern of attracting partners who are both abusvie and addicted to something (alcohol, etc.).

While I explore addiction and abuse in my book, The Memory of Health, the most important thing is to practice self-care (and get to safety a.s.a.p. – make a plan).

While I have compassion for those who may develop addiction, I have to take care of myself first.*

I am a sensitive person.  Some of you may know this about me as well.

I am an HSP (highly sensitive person) and a romantic.

There is nothing I long for more than deep love and lasting connection

Yet, with the territory of being sensitive comes the risk of attracting negative energy.

Are you in a truly loving relationship?  Check out this quiz:  Is My Relationship Healthy?

On the website, Love is Respect , you can call, text, or IM (safely and securely) to talk to someone about your situation.

Never allow yourself to be abused or to stay in an unhealthy situation.

Find a counselor, find an advocate, tell a friend, make a plan to get out.

So, how did I reboot from abuse and domestic violence? It takes time, but time can fade wounds.

First, realize it’s not your fault.  Secondly, get support, and find a way to exit, safely…

I realized it wasn’t my fault, and I allowed my body and heart to rest and mend. 

I talked to a loved one for support.  I got the rest I needed and allowed my body, heart, and spirit the time and space to heal and renew.

Fortunately, I have a lot of tools in my toolbox to heal and reboot.  My tools for healing and rebooting my body include:

  • Gentle Yoga
  • Meditative Music
  • Loving Support
  • Good Food
  • Lots of Self-Care
  • Restorative Rest
  • Compassion
  • Self-Acceptance
  • Therapy
  • Loving Pets
  • Time

Don’t let anyone impede your soul’s growth and evolution.

You are worth being treated well in all circumstances.


*There is evidence of a link between childhood trauma and addiction: check out this blog:

Childhood Trauma & Addiction